At that time, I do not remember much. All I know is that the first person who held me right after that moment was the person I knew to be my dad. I remember gripping his finger tightly, and wondering why he wore a sad look on his face. The second he took a glance at me though, his frown turned into a smile, and I knew that all his troubles went away.
As time passed by I learned a lot especially from my papa. One night, he taught me how to pray. He said I needed to do that every time I go to sleep so someone named Jesus would help me. He taught me a prayer which I now know by heart. I do not know much about Jesus, but the people around me tell stories about Him, so I guess he must be very important. Sometimes, my dad goes to bed very tired and forgets to pray himself, so I lie beside him to remind him. After we pray, I always tell him “Goodnight papa, I love you.” He then smiles at me and hugs me tight as we doze off together.
My sisters always play with me. They teach me some things and make me laugh. There are times when my eldest sister shouts and makes me cry. There are also times my other sister forgets to spend time with me. But even though we do not get along sometimes, I still love both of them, and I know they love me.
My papa was always the one who entertained me, since he was always around. But sometimes when I have nothing better to do than to watch him, I noticed that he began to grow weaker. He used to carry me with ease. He could even make me stand at the palm of his hand, as I remembered when I was two. But after a while, he seemed to always get so tired. When I began going to school, he became a different person from the papa I knew.
Whenever I played with the enormous pile of toys I own, my papa would shout and complain at the mess I make. Whenever I cried he would spank me with his firm hand. The instance I remember the most was the time he locked me in the bathroom. I cried so much that he shouted even more. It was dark and cold in there, and I was trapped for hours. I finally heard my sisters through the door, which they opened to let me out. I hugged them tightly. I was very confused. I looked at my dad, at his new cold, dark eyes and grew terrified of him. He was not familiar anymore. After a moment of staring at each other, he gave in with a look that said sorry. “I love you papa” was all I could say before hugging my sister again and resting on her shoulder.
After that event, my papa’s anger became more easily triggered. He always shouted, and because of this we grew apart. I was not that close to him anymore because I was afraid he would lock me up again or spank me. I was afraid for my sisters, because whenever I see them cry, I know something is wrong.
One day, I woke up with my sisters watching me. I was always annoyed when they did this, because I do not like people looking while I sleep. My sister told me “Papa is sick now, we have to take care of him.” I thought about it and it did make sense. Whenever I get sick I easily get irritated, maybe it was like papa now. But I wondered, he must be really sick to get irritated all the time like that.
It was soon after this that the sisters and brothers of papa came to stay at our house one by one. He has eleven siblings in all- the reason why I have so many toys. After one left, another came, and that cycle was the same for every aunt and uncle. One of my aunts told me all about the place where they all came from. She said it was cold there, unlike here where it is always hot. She said I had many cousins there whom I could play with. She also told me stories about playgrounds, and
Anyway, they came here one by one so they can take extra care of papa because my sisters weren’t always here. I could take care of him myself, but I when I say that they just laugh and smile at me.
Because I always watch my papa, I know that he is very weak, and he must be really sick. Before, he gave me piggy back rides but now, he could barely carry me. He was very fat before, I should know because I often played with his big belly, but now, his stomach always ached and he would not play with me.
The time came when he grew very weak and stayed in a place called a hospital. There were tubes around him and there were big needles that poked his thin skin. There was a big machine beside him that beeped loudly and had many buttons. I stared at my sisters, confused, but I think they were as confused as I was. He stayed in there for a long time.
My birthday was near, but my papa was still there. I told him “Papa, get up, you have to go home for my birthday!” And he promised me he would.
It was the day of my birthday, and there were gifts, music, balloons and clowns. I had so much fun, especially since the funny clowns made me laugh hard. It was time for me to blow the candles, and one of the clowns said “Time for the blowing of candles! Where is the dad of the birthday girl?” Everyone looked around, and it suddenly grew quiet. I waited for him to show up, but after some time, I gave up. I sobbed quietly as I blew the candles of my cake.
Later on that night, we went to the hospital again. I decided I would be very angry with papa, he forgot me! But as we entered the room, everyone was crying and surrounding papa, only, he was not my papa anymore. His belly was huge, as if it was about to explode, but his arms and legs were as thin as mine. He looked at me, and I cried and hugged him. I was not frightened of him anymore. Instead, I grew so sad to see him in that state. I forgot that I was angry at him, and I just said I loved him. But then, a lady in a blue uniform gently pushed me away as she did something to papa. I just sat with my aunt and sisters and watched him lay there.
The next morning after I woke up, everyone was busy. My aunt was talking on the phone, my sisters were staring at the floor and my grandmother was crying. I approached my aunt and asked “Why?” but she did not answer. I asked my sisters too but they did not seem to hear me either. I gave up, sat on my sister’s lap and just kept quiet. Later on, we went to the hospital again. I looked for papa, but he was not at the bed he was always on. We approached another bed, it was covered completely, and when they pulled down the covers, I saw my papa sleeping, only this time he had no more tubes on him.
We went to a place that looked like a church, only smaller. There was a big box in front, and I ran to it because I wanted to see what was inside such box. My sisters yelled at me to come back, I guess they did not want me to see it. But it was too late, I peeked and I was shocked at what I saw. My papa was inside the box! He was still sleeping. I tried to wake him up but it did not work.
The doors of that peculiar place suddenly flew open and a smile spread across my face as I saw who came. My aunts and uncles were there- all eleven of them! I ran to them laughing with joy, I missed them and I was so happy to see them all together. But they did not seem as happy to see me. They looked like they were crying because their faces were red and their eyes were swollen. But why, though? And why were they not happy to see me? Now I was very confused.
My sisters sat me down and told me what happened. They said that my mama and papa were finally together now. I told them “But mama is gone, papa is sleeping, just over there!” They tried to explain to me that he was in heaven, with Jesus. I said “But he is right there!” Finally, they sighed and told me “Papa is gone, and he will never come back…”
Later on, my aunt told me again about that place where they came from. They said now that papa is gone, I would come with them to that place. At first I was very excited. I wanted to see the snow and go to that place called
I did not talk to anyone else that day. I knew they were wrong, papa would never leave us. I always looked at that box and guarded it to make sure he does not go anywhere. I played with the other children at that strange place while the other people remained silent. Many visitors came to look at papa, it was a bit weird seeing them. I knew he must not like it when people watched him sleep.
Right now, I am still here at this strange place. I do not know when papa will ever wake up, but he must wake up soon. We have to go home for I have not opened my birthday gifts, and papa has not even eaten a slice of cake yet. We are all still here guarding him.
I lied down on one of the hard wooden benches to rest. I prayed to Jesus because papa said he would help me when I needed it. Then I thought about what was happening. There are so many things I do not understand, but I know when I grow up like my two sisters one day, I would finally know what was going on. I thought of my papa and how I missed him so much. What happened to him? Why is he still asleep? A tear formed on the corner of my eye. I wiped it away as I grew very sleepy. I closed my eyes after looking at the big box and said “Goodnight papa, I love you…”
